Friday, September 24, 2010

Relief and guilt over my "normal" child...

My 2 year old son, Nicholas has been blessed enough to escape the food allergies his sister has.  Why? No one knows.  As his Mom I am relieved but also I have tremendous guilt.  Guilt? Yes, guilt! Seeing him healthy makes me wonder if something I did during my daughter's pregnancy caused her condition.  Rationally, I know this is not true but as a Mom and the person who grew her inside me I'll always wonder if it was something I did or did not do.  My son just started preschool.  When I send him off to school, or off with another person, I don't have to remember his Epi Pens or pack him a lunch or snack.  I just kiss him, wish him well and send him on his way.  I feels strange, like I'm missing something or neglecting him somehow.  Does that sound strange?  Alexa has always required that extra attention:  Did I pack her Epi Pens? Does she have snack? Does she have lunch? Who's picking her up? Do they know how to use an Epi Pen. Do they know where we keep them? etc, etc.  Not so with Nick.  My husband dropped him off at school today.  There was no "don't forget his lunch", "do you have the Epi Pens?" "Remember to check snack" added on to his exit, just a kiss and hug goodbye.  It is a relief not to worry about my son but I actually feel guilty about it, as if somehow I'm cheating him.  Strange? Yes,  but it's honest.  I wonder if other allergy Mom's who have a "normal" child feel this way?


  1. My son is allergic to peanuts and my daughter has no allergies. It's amazing the freedom I have with my daughter about school, play dates, anything really. There is no worry about food. It was strange at first not to have to carry around that worry and concern for her like I do for him.

  2. Great to hear from another allergy Mom on this topic. Since he's only 2 and just started school the difference is just starting to hit me. Working through it I suppose ;-)